Oedipal Complex much?
Parenthood is one of those things I've been ambivalent about. And some of it is because I chafe at "The cult of motherhood". This ideal that my life isn't complete until I get married and have a baby. Some of it is the defensive reaction against a society that wants to tell me how to live every aspect of my life. That onsie above is a good example. I mean, is the child supposed to supplant the husband in the mother's life? Is that good for anyone? I mean, it seems like the husband gets completely shut out of the picture (and a lot of times traditional views of parenting do just that, and look at daddy as an ATM, or another child in the house). I doubt it really works for the mother (although media images make it seem like once you're a mommy, then that's all you are so why would you want a husband/adult male companion or friends or anything else?). And it can't possibly be good for the kid. I know we talk about kids being the center of a parent's life, and it's true that a lot of decisions get made with the welfare of the children at the heart...but as someone who has worked with lot of kids who have difficulty dealing with distress, making kids feel like they are the absolute center of the universe isn't really doing them any favors.
The "self esteem" movement backfired, and you wind up with a lot of kids who have been told their whole lives that they are absolutely perfect and they deserve every good thing in the world just for being them. And when they get older and are faced with the truth that there are going to be people who are faster/smarter/prettier/ect than they are, and that sometimes you lose, and sometimes life isn't fair...they can't deal. Kids with HEALTHY self esteem can fall down, and know that they have the ability to get back up. Kid's who've been sheltered from failure don't know this, and it leaves them bereft of any distress tolerance skills.
And that doesn't even touch the hetero-normative nature of the shirt.
Anyhow, this onsie is creepy at best, and the message behind it makes me worried for the parents who buy them, and the kids who wind up wearing them.
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Yeah, that shirt is horrible...and creepy. Your analysis is right on...but there is more. Not only do some mommy cultures treat dad as an interchangeable ATM...but then there is often father guilt for not being connected enough to the children after being marginalized.
ReplyDeleteI think, on the whole, our generations re-embracing of the stay-at-home parent model is a healthy rejection of our parents career worship. But it is not the model Amanda and I have chosen because I want to be more directly involved with my kids and Amanda loves to work (and visa versa).
But it has had significant side effects. For the first time there are MANY post-professional women staying home. These women are motivated, capable, skilled, organized, productive and are giving up a lot of money. They are suddenly presented with a productivity vacuum and now focus all of that on their one or two children...who end up feeling like the center of the world as the beneficiary of such efficient and lavish attentions. I don't hear anyone talking about the implications of the post-professional stay at home parent, but it strikes me as a really important cultural artifact of our moment and a dominant formative detail (for good and ill, like most cultural innovations) on the next generation. Love to know your thoughts on it.